Twinsouls...

mah new blog

2005-01-11T19:03:00.000+08:00

http://myshoes.ebloggy.com

check it out. still crappy, but still me.

peace.

I'm moving out...

2005-01-07T19:09:00.000+08:00

i'm moving out of this twinsouls page. :(

yeah.

diane doesn't post anymore, and this account has had a lot of problems anyway, so i'm gonna move out. i'll post my new blog add when its decent enough to view.

see yah guys.

being sick, seeing princesses and assumption sisters

2005-01-02T01:56:00.000+08:00

i'm so sick. seriously sick. i throw up every time i eat. okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but basically what i take in comes out after a few hours or something like that. so why am i blogging at 2 in the morning as if i'm not as sick as i say?

being busy keeps me from remembering how painful my tummy is and how i wanna throw up again. yep. that's kariza for you. keep her busy and she forgets even the fact that she's sick.

anyway, the whole family went to watch the disney princesses on ice. i so wanna be a disney princess.

some random thoughts on that...
aladdin is hot.
snow white's prince has no name. in fact, he's a fairly insignificant character.
i mean, think about it. couldn't dopey have done his role instead? hehehe.
it's just a funny thought.
i want to be jasmine.
and cinderella. her dress is pretty.
i would also love to be belle. but i like jasmine the best.
everyone should watch the show. then the world would be a step closer to peace.
i'm going again next year, and will continue going till i have kids and till i die.

assumption sisters were there. really. about 40 of them. 43 actually. they also ate at gonuts donuts. nice seeing sr. carla and sr. agnes, even sr. luz and sr. iris. cute, all of them, really. even sr. love was there.

i miss aa.

before i end this, (my stomach is going all weird and stuff) i just wanna say that things are sucking again for me. but as my good friend sybil said, OPTIMISM. yea. go syb, alavyu!

and besides, i'm one helluva bitch. (whatever that means.)

ciao, people. comment, tag, let me know you guys are there.

peace, and happy new year.

i love you sybs

2005-01-02T01:50:00.000+08:00

i really do, sybil, and you know it.

this is just like that last time i told you. remember? that day sa balcony ng highschool building? i just love you and wanna tell you about it. na kahit i don't know anything going on in your life right now i just know and wanna say i love you.

miss you sisterhood. :)

BITCH - Meredith Brooks

2005-01-02T01:39:00.000+08:00

I hate the world today
You're so good to meI know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changingI think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

I AM SUCH A BITCH.

greetings

2004-12-31T11:24:00.000+08:00

happy new year everyone. :)

p.s. stories to follow. :)

blogging, plates, and a whole lot of other stuff

2004-12-28T17:17:00.000+08:00

damn. it's been such a long time since i last blogged that i'm not even sure i remember how to. our PC has been breaking down every 3 days because of endless virus infestations.

hay.

i'm realizing right now that i've missed writing so much! ever since after sem break its all about the plates again, and this sem they just get bigger and bigger, harder and harder and just totally time consuming.

plus... you know how things can suck sometimes that you'd rather just forget about them than write about them? you could say that was part of why i've not been writing as much. things sucked for some time, and i just wanted to forget about those unfortunate events.

the difference between the recent ugliness and the past ones i usually write and complain about?

the recent happenings REALLY sucked. and when i say really, i mean really.

but now i'm back.

hope all the bloggers out there still click on our link in hope to see something new. or else no one would know i'm back.

to those who just found out: HI. :)

its been a while

2004-12-28T17:07:00.000+08:00

oh my gosh! been such a long time since i/we last blogged...

are you guys still out there or have you totally abandoned our long forgotten blog? :)

Hugs!

2004-10-16T20:26:00.000+08:00

Come on guys, gimme a HUG!!!

(Yeah Gene, this is what I get from you. ;p)

*HUGS* TOTAL!give theweirdhalf more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own

*Hug back*

Spread the love.

Peace.

Palawan Stories (Sorry Diane...)

2004-10-15T17:37:00.000+08:00

Diane is totally sick of my Palawan escapades, but heck, I still have somewhat of a hangover from our trip.

Grabe ang saya talaga dun.

I want to put my pictures sana here but laziness gets the best of me. Kaya kahit madami kwento, summary lang din ang ilalagay ko dito. Anyway, eto nalang:

Day 1:
1. Left NAIA at 8:30am. Landed at Puerto Princessa at around 9:30am.
2. Took a 30minute bus ride to the wharf, and a 45minute ferry ride to the island itself.
3. Approximately 11:00am: Arrival at DOS PALMAS ARRECEFFI ISLAND RESORT.
4. "Welcome" by the people there: may mga tumugtog at welcome drink na may gumamela.
5. Lunch at noon: sarap ng food, grabe! Nakalimutan ko na ang 'paninindigan' kong diet!
6. Snorkeling at Helen's garden, about a kilometer away from the shore. Daming FISH!!!
7. Swimming swimming... pero sa pool. haha. dun gusto ni Klea eh.
8. Dinner: zhokz, mas masarap pa ang pagkain! Shrimp tempura!!! Oh yeah!
9. Good night Kariza, look forward to tomorrow...

Day 2:
1. Kayaking near the mangroves. Kagigising palang hataw na!
2. Breakfast: Walang tatalo dito pagdating sa food. Imagine: ALWAYS ALL YOU CAN
EAT BUFFET!!!
3. 9:00am: Out to Helen's Garden ulit for - get this - skin scuba diving!!! OH YEAH!
4. Snorkeling ng konti...
5. Lunch at AIR 6 (Arreceffi Island Resort No.6) Sarap. Tas lakad-lakad ka sa mga sand bar...
6. Rest time ng konti. Kapagod mag diving ha. Plus, I'm getting too 'tan'. wahaha.
7. Hang out sa mga cabana (tama ba spelling ko? oh who cares.) Sarap. Feeling mo paradise.
8. Dinner under the stars. Wow...
9. Playing in the sand. Haha. Sa gabi pa ang napiling oras.
10. Sleep time. Aw, last day na bukas... :(

Day 3:
1. Breakfast at the cabana outlooking sa sea. (May word bang outlooking?!)
2. Bye bye na... :(
3. Ferry ride. Nakakita kame ng 'jumping fish.' Waha.
4. Left Puerto Princessa at 10:30am, landed in Manila at around 11:30am.
5. Bye Palawan, hello world.

Hay. Kay saya.

You should all go there sometime.

Promise: Walang ghost ni Rico Yan. :)

Palawan Here I Come

2004-10-09T17:09:00.002+08:00

At last.

In just a few hours I will be leaving for Palawan.

Thank God. I need the break.

It just sucks that everything seems to be going wrong as it comes nearer. Murphy's law is slowly becoming my life. I just keep telling myself na konti na lang... in just a few hours I am outta here.

Hope the weather cooperates.

See ya guys...

Palawan, here I come!

Palawan Palawan Palawan

2004-10-08T18:05:00.000+08:00

Can't you tell I'm excited?!?

I Wish I Didn't Know How to Feel

2004-10-07T14:51:00.000+08:00

Being able to feel has its perks, but it sure can suck.

I really wish I didn't know how to feel. even just for a short while.

It can be so tiring.

Aaaah.

Someone get a gun and put me out of my misery.

Please.

End it NOW.

(Hm... thinking about it, pwede pagbalik ko na galing Palawan? I really want to see it first before I die. Thanks.)

i'm actually bored

2004-10-05T19:18:00.000+08:00

oh crap. i cant believe im actually bored to death here at home. i didnt go to school today - no classes for me anymore. tomorrow i have PE from 10am to 12nn, then i'll be back home again. thursday no classes again, then friday i have a lunch date with some friends and a test at around 1:30pm to 4:30pm, i guess. (diane: alis tayo friday. what time ka out?)

then my family will be leaving for palawan on the 10th, we'll stay there till the 12th, and i have another test, 9am on thursday. after that, it's officially sem break for me.

but right now i'm just bored.

i never imagined i'd be missing those plates... hm.

oh whatever. wish me luck with my archery finals tomorrow.

all my sleepless nights

2004-10-04T18:19:00.000+08:00

kailangan ko lang ikwento...

i was doing my plates (okay, rushing them, cramming pa para mas irresponsable ang dating...) all week last week, and can i just say: LAST WEEK WAS ONE OF THE WORST WEEKS IN MY LIFE. grabe lang...

wed-thurs - 4hrs sleep

thurs-fri - no sleep at all!

damn. my friends saw i side of me even i hadnt seen before!

wala lang.

sharing.

plus meron akong bagong crush.

*blushblush*

ingat friends.

diane: good luck sa pag aaral sa math. :) kaya mo yan. :)

almost sem break, palawan in the meantime

2004-10-04T18:09:00.000+08:00

plates are finally over.

3 more final exams then i am so free.

hm...

going to palawan on the 10th till the 12th.

wow.

can't wait.

need the break.

hope you're all doing well.

good luck to everyone who's gonna have their finals. :)

tired and numb

2004-09-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

it is now 40 minutes past eleven. in a little bit, it'll be midnight, and a minute after that, it'll be morning.

aah.

i'm really tired. my biological clock has given up on me, and i just haven't been getting enough sleep or rest for the past few days. hell weeks na. three final plates due so close together. and hindi joke ang plates namen. we're supposed to design a studio for one subject, draft the plans of a two storey house for another, and render an interior using stippling.

(FYI: render-'color' or realistically draw with light, shades and shadows;;; stippling: method for rendering with pen and ink; using dots -yeah, dots, as in periods, polka dots, tuldok- to render a drawing)

hay.

if all those weren't enough, add the fact that i still have 4 GE subjects to worry about, aside from those 3 majors and another one (ID10) which i have a report on.

parang nagalit sakin ang langit.

why?

my mom is at this very moment pre-menopausal, i am an interior design student with lots of 'gadgets' and no place to work in, as i've mentioned i have three major projects and 5 other subjects to worry about, and i am growing to be an endlessly tired and extremely numb kid.

before i started this entry, i was in the middle of stippling and crying inside.

kaya nga ako nag blog eh, para hindi na maiyak ang puso ko.

you know how it feels to want to cry and cry and cry but the tears just won't come? it's like you want to just scream and breakdown and get it over with, so that afterwards you feel lighter... but then ayaw...

then you realize. tangina, ang manhid ko na.

lately i've been ignoring whatever bad feelings come my way. i mean, what good would it do paying attention to them, right?

aah.

i don't know.

i just cant seem to feel anything.

aaah. maybe i'm just tired.

zzzzzzzzz...

wanting to move out

2004-09-12T10:53:00.000+08:00

i so want to move out of the house.

is it a normal thing to want to be on your own when you're of legal age already? the minute i turned 18, i've been wanting to be away from my family...

not that i dont love them.

i just don't like being around them.

i mean, with all the work... and now that i travel a far longer distance to go to school and back... its all too stressful and tiring. then they all breathe down on you, they're all noisy and chaotic, and you just cant help but wish they're all not there, or you're not there.

aaaaaahhhhhh.

hope my parents allow me to move out next sem. i so need a break from them.

nice seeing friends

2004-09-10T20:07:00.000+08:00

really nice seeing friends. especially when unexpected. saw vida and rina today, and tatin too. saya lang.

oh and by the way, nag commute nanaman ako. wahahaha...

am i great or am i great?

yah, i know.

haha.

p.s. hi jac.

exhausting

2004-09-08T15:34:00.001+08:00

im drained out... it's a wednesday, and im staying at school til 0730pm. just this morning, i came to school super early to have almost 20 thesis statements photocopied which i was supposed to commnet on on 1/8 sheets of paper. imagine... 20sheets! i arrived at ateneo at around 0845 and got to have the copies 9am. and my first class is what, 0930!! wah! man, i had thirty minutes to do that english thing (btw, my first class is english) it could have been a bigger help if my teacher was somewhat like sir chuck, but then she's not. so, damn it!

after my english 0930-1030, i had my lit 1030-1130. I had a great time since it was my favorite class (sir chuck - once you've had him, you'd rather not have anyone else... swear!) and so anyway, had my lunch with my blockmates and man, i had consultation 1145am! i basically had 10mins lunch.

~texted my mom, walked, texted kariza, my lola, my mom, had consultation, walked, texted my mom, texted my blockmate, called barbie, went up the stairs, walked and finally sat down.~

got to my class at around 1230. right on time.

but what i guess dragged me down was allt he stuff i felt in the middle of ~ and ~.

wah! it seems like i can't get all the peeople in my world to come and cooperate with me. darn! as in... emotional stress i was in the brink of crying.... as in crying loud talaga. good, daz was beside me. made me feel better to have someone so "nice" cheer me right on.

after intact, i passed by the kostka ext. and signed up for ANI.
[to all the Ateneans out there, come join ANI... it's fun! ... I hope. hehe]

you get to tutor the top students in the public schools and actually be part of guiding them into a brighter future. NAKS! haha.

anyway, im running out of time... i still have training. i guess i just have to let out all my whining here. sorry.

and you all, have a nice day/night whatever.

exhausting

2004-09-08T15:34:00.000+08:00

im drained out... it's a wednesday, and im staying at school til 0730pm. just this morning, i came to school super early to have almost 20 thesis statements photocopied which i was supposed to commnet on on 1/8 sheet of papers. imagine... 20sheets! i arrived at ateneo at around 0845 and got to have the copies 9am. and my first class is what, 0930!! wah! man, i had thirty minutes to do that english thing (btw, my first class is english) it could have been a bigger help if my teacher was somewhat like sir chuck, but then she's not. so, damn it!

after my english 0930-1030, i had my lit 1030-1130. I had a great time since it was my favorite class (sir chuck - once you've had him, you'd rather not have anyone else... swear!) and so anyway, had my lunch with my blockmates and man, i had consultation 1145am! i basically had 10mins lunch.

~texted my mom, walked, texted kariza, my lola, my mom, had consultation, walked, texted my mom, texted my blockmate, called barbie, went up the stairs, walked and finally sat down.~

got to my class at around 1230. right on time.

but what i guess dragged me down was allt he stuff i felt in the middle of ~ and ~.

wah! it seems like i can't get all the peeople in my world to come and cooperate with me. darn! as in... emotional stress i was in the brink of crying.... as in crying loud talaga. good, daz was beside me. made me feel better to have someone so "nice" cheer me right on.

after intact, i passed by the kostka ext. and signed up for ANI.
[to all the Ateneans out there, come join ANI... it's fun! ... I hope. hehe]

you get to tutor the top students in the public schools and actually be part of guiding them into a brighter future. NAKS! haha.

anyway, im running out of time... i still have training. i guess i just have to let out all my whining here. sorry.

and you all, have a nice day/night whatever.

HAPPY ANNIV TO MY BELOVED DINOS.

2004-09-06T18:03:00.000+08:00

Come roar, dinos.

ONE YEAR NA TAYO!!!

i love you all....

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

stop dreaming, get it done!

2004-08-31T20:32:00.000+08:00

once you start dreaming of comfort,

your will power starts to fade

commute

2004-08-23T17:10:00.000+08:00

NAG COMMUTE AKO MULA UNIBERSIDAD NG PILIPINAS HANGGANG SA AMING BAHAY.

WAHAHAHA. (evil laugh)

NOW I CAN SAY I'M GREAT.

wahahaha....

kaya ko na guyz! dinos, congratulate me! barb, what can you say? madaming beses pa kong tumawid nyan!

hay nako. daming horrors and bloopers but im all too tired to tell... isa pa, meron pa kong elevations na dapat gawin... hay.

but there. just want to share this life-altering mind-whacking experience with the people i love. *hug* miss you guys...

see you soon dinos!

'twas nice to see you gianne, if ever you'll be reading this and wherever you are...

diane: you won't need to roll your eyes anymore. i can do it na! haha. thanks for all the ... uhm, experience. (?!?)

see you soon friends. peace.

4th home

2004-08-17T14:42:00.000+08:00

we had our seating arrangements changed in Filipino, some were happy about it, some were absolutely upset for some reason. But me..., i was kind of in the middle, i was happy because i liked the people who were still around me, and i wasn't in the front corner anymore, but still, where i was seated was quite hot. see, my fil sked is TTh 1030-1200. so when it's about to ring for lunch, we're sweating like hell already! (poor me :c) - exaggerating of course

anyway, that's not important anymore. after that, i realized that the people i hang out with in school are basically the very ones that make me ACTUALLY WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL! haha. drama. but no... really. it's normal that in the first weeks, it would seem that you need to drag your body to school - but now, it has been like somehow a 4th home to me already. :p

1. MY HOUSE - where i can do almost anything i want
2. MY BESTFRIEND, Kariza - who i can be myself and still be loved (sweet noh? :p haha)
REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS included
3. Assumption - where i spent the best years of my life (yet) in. hehe
4. And now, Ateneo. I am looking forward to really loving it here. :) ngyn, like plang eh! wehe.

kapagod

2004-08-10T18:15:00.000+08:00

kapagod mabuhay noh?

hay... grabe. wag nyo na nga pansin muna yung bago nameng blog. diane and i both have no time to update this one (obvious ba?) what more try to create a new and better one.

anyway, as i was saying... kapagod.

witness pa sina barb at gelai kung gano ka "hellish" ang buhay ng ID. hay... kapagod lang talaga...

anyway have to go do some stuff. meron pa kong floor plan at site development plan na kailangan simulan.

aaaaaahhhh....

we have a new blog na... (and why i've been gone)

2004-08-06T17:27:00.000+08:00

new blog:

http://perky_weird_kids.blogspot.com

magugulat kayo pag punta nyo jan. parang walang nagbago. haha.
it's trash pa, no time kasi to make it all great yet. advice: dont clik on it, just be advised it exists.

no time. how true.

thats why i havent been blogging recently. eh, basta.

see you all soon....

weird blog

2004-08-01T14:13:00.000+08:00

this is an extremely weird blog. we've really got to go and change this...

see you guys somewhere else... but not quite yet, we're both busy...

peace.

tired

2004-07-30T19:58:00.000+08:00

i'm just so tired. i wanted to write so many things but now im too tired to even think.

aaaahhhhh...

Frustrated

2004-07-29T16:56:00.000+08:00

Bad day today.

In the morning I knew it wouldn't be that good a day because things started out kinda weird. I woke up feeling exhausted although I didn't know why.

I immediately took a bath to wash off any unwanted feelings, but after a nice warm shower, I still had that weird feeling.

Then I did some reading, although it didn't feel right. Nonetheless I continued reading, with only half a mind working.

Then I fell asleep, woke up at 12nn, with just enough time to get to my 1pm class.

Then it rained. Got stuck in traffic and arrived in school at 1:30pm.

Sucks. That's only the start.

After that damned trip, I decided to get my test results for my NatSci1 class.

2.5.

DAMMIT!!!

The UP grading system has 1 as the highest and 5 as the lowest. 3 is just passing - just like 75 is in high school. 4 is removable - you can make it a 3 or a 5. 5 means you failed. Period.

I got 2.5.

That sucks.

Anyway, continuing with the rest of my day...

It rained, so I had to walk from CS to AS clutching my things and umbrella in hand. The bottom of my pants got wet, I got rained on a bit too, and that weird feeling hasn't yet left me, now accompanied by an irritatingly nagging inferiority-complex-like feeling because of my grade!

To cut this story short (I'm too irritated right now) I'm just going to say that I got a 2.75 in my Kas1 and I hate it.

There. Traffic, late, 2.5,2.75 and some uncooperative groupmates.

Sucky day and I'm extremely frustrated.

Now I have to go study more and do better.

Argh.

Frustrating.

darn msgs

2004-07-27T14:38:00.000+08:00

i just have to say this...

everytime i check my mail, it never fails... i always see a lot of msgs from dindin sandiego. as in, around 4-7 msgs each time, all with attachments. It's as if every msg is infected with a virus.... who knows how to stop this? pls let me know asap... it's irritating already, not to mention scary - it might have viruses of some sort....

tnx everyone! mwah! hope someone out there can help me...... :)

waking up...

2004-07-26T12:49:00.000+08:00

weird day today. i woke up lots of times.

i first woke up at 5:15am even though my class wouldn't be starting for at least another 3 and a half hours. dad and i had to drop mom off before i got my turn to be dropped off at school, so sacrifices - such as an additional hour or so of sleep - must be made.

i arrived in UP at 7:45am for my 9am class. dad parked the car so i could catch some sleep and thankfully, i did. woke up (for the second time for today) at 8:25am. dad dropped me off at my building, and so started, by far, the weirdest yet most meaningful awakening i have ever had.

around 15 mins after i got into my classroom, this thin guy with long hair (not really long, just longer than average) in red a red shirt, faded jeans and a cool bag comes in and asks if he could talk. (well, duh.) of course he could, and we said that, so he starts talking, and i start listening...

at first i listened just for the sake of listening to him and not being an ass doing other things while he was making an effort. i mean, you get that a lot in UP. people come up to you, say their pieces and then walk away. sometimes you really couldn't care any less about what they're talking about. but he seemed nice, so i decided to be polite. but then as he continued talking, i got even more eager listening, and - in the course of it all - i realized that i wasn't just being polite anymore. i was interested. sincerely interested.

the guy was saying things regarding the SONA, which will happen later today, if not as i am writing this entry. he was saying how the people should be the ones to tell the REAL state of the nation. how it is really up to us to say whether the nation is doing well or not. okay, let me start again, so things may be clearer...

(take note though, this is not eaxctly what i got from that guy / what he said. this has been edited by my own mind. it has been mixed with my feelings and sentiments and please don't blame the poor guy if you read anything you don't like. feel free to comment though. :) peace. )

UP is - as everyone knows - a government funded university which should provide quality education for those who cannot afford the higher prices of education in other schools. through the years, since former president estrada's term, the budget alotted for certain sects of society has been continuously cut down (does my grammar suck? sorry, this is all just coming out...). UP is part of those who suffer this sad reality.

the SONA, to be delivered by GMA this afternoon, is supposed to express the state of our country as of the present time. the thing is, we know that this SONA will just be a repetition of GMA's 10-pt agenda, and a whole lot of other promises which do not really tell the people how the philippines is doing.

sure, she'll be saying the good stuff. but what about the other realities that plague our nation? what about the other issues that were not and are not being addressed?

that is where the people come in. let us define the state of the nation, because we are the nation.

the activists from UP will be going to the batasan to make their stand felt. what is this stand? greater state subsidy. they wish to protest the budget cut coming our way. and not just OUR way, also they way of the other sects of society that are already not being given much priority. they wish to be heard, to make their version of the state of the nation known to all.

according to that guy, the SONA will be the perfect venue because congerss and senate and everybody else will be there.

he invited us.

i wanted to go. sincerely and honestly. i did.

but i couldn't (lots of plates to do...).

from what you've just read you may have felt how this is affecting me. and indeed, it is.

maybe i just woke up.

i'm the type of person who sleeps through the news and who doesn't really give a shit with what's happening around me.

but now i guess i'm waking up.

scary how it was brought about, but it's very interesting...

what do you guys think?

comment!

(PS. Dinos! mukang tama kayo... sabi nyo dati magiging aktibista ko... yikes... d naman siguro...)

DIANE IS NOW A PART OF THE ADS

2004-07-22T21:15:00.000+08:00

Diane is now a part of the Ateneo Debate Society.

Way to go!

Yan ang best friend ko!!!!!!!!!

CONGRATS YAN!!!

backing out...

2004-07-22T21:00:00.000+08:00

i backed out of the org i was joining. personal reasons.

i wanted that, and i felt that it would make me feel better afterward.

now i think i'm feeling bad...

yeah.

weird.

iwana cut, i wana watch a movie

2004-07-22T14:10:00.000+08:00

life is exactly how you perceive it. Nothing more nothing less.
There are a lot of reasons why people are mad, sad, frustrated or happy, active and the like. But everything boils down to how one really perceives his or her life or even life in general.

This morning, I was so hesitant to go to school and have classes because it's a thursday: I have 1 and 1/2 hours ES (science subject) and another 1 and 1/2 hours of boring Filipino Lecture. and to add to that - PE (arnis - I enjoyed it somehow but I don't have my uniform for today - Id rather watch a movie! :p haha) so anyway, there. I was so bored, so lazy to go to school that I was already counting how many more months do I have to suffer this schedule! :s

But as I was counting the days, I was lead to counting how many years more do I still have to endure the ups and downs of college. And of course after that, what came next was my career, and life as an individual.

I was counting down as you know, then I suddenly realized that if i kept on counting down then sooner or later, I'd be counting down how many years left do I still have to suffer human life. ANd I certainly don't want that kind of life.

So i stopped. And thoguht to myself that if only I could view life as a journey and an everyday challenge, then I might have a chance of living life and not just letting life pass. Ergo, contentment and true happiness in being alive.

And so, Im hoping that from now on, I change my perception of life and regard it as an opportunity. And hopefully i could apply that in the littlest things in my life. I am lucky to have a chance to study in Ateneo, I have the option to cut my classes and enjoy watching a movie, or study, learn and be successfula nd later on, buy myself my own movie house! haha.

*corny* :p

home alone. and sick.

2004-07-20T13:58:00.000+08:00

i hate sneezing fits. my eyes get all teary and my nose feels like it's grown 3 times its original size. i can sneeze 5 times straight. dammit.

i miss my dino-friends... i hope they're all well.

i 'm so sick.

diane is so nice. thanks for the sandwich.

friends. i like that word. i like those people.

ann rod: don't be too harassed. see you saturday.

sybil: i miss you too sisterhood.

*hachoo!* *hachoo!* *hachoo!*

hugs to anyone who needs it...
(hope you don't get what i have though... geez, i'm a walking house of viruses... eeeeeeew.....)

i should rest...

so many thoughts, so small a part of my mind working right now.

take care everyone, don't get sick.

pe (--hachoo!--) ace

peace.

hi world

2004-07-16T20:59:00.000+08:00

hi world.

nothing extraordinary seems to be happening in my life right now. seems like everything's becoming quite boring...

i'm exempted from my Arch1 esquisse, and quite honestly, i am very thankful and yes, very proud. (haha, modest! ;p)

i'll be meeting up with some high school friends tomorrow. we'll be singing. aah, singing... i really love singing. have i ever said that? recently at least. it helps. with what, i don't know. but it helps...

i'm going somewhere tomorrow morning to learn flower arrangement. cool? yeah, could be... you never know, i might get good at it and start a business or something.

i'm learning how to draw. seriously. and i'm inspired to become really good at it...

my bruise is now all yellowish... the green and purple are mixing up, getting all blackish and yucky. most people get disgusted. yeah, well, it's not a pretty sight. but strangely enough i'm growing fond of it...

weird me, huh?

*yawn*

i'm tired...

i need a hug...

by world. hope you say hi to me too...

so much to do

2004-07-15T12:34:00.000+08:00

i have no classes today but i have so much work on my hands i don't really know where to start.

aaah.

my bruise (on my arm) has around 3 differnt shades of purple, 2 different shades of green and a tinge of yellow... is that pink i see? it's extremely colorful, i'm thinking about drawing it using my prang (watercolors that is)...

i just realized that i'm trying my best to just be an ordinary person in college. i don't know if that's a good or bad thing. i guess i just need a break from anything that requires time from me.

i wanted to audition for the singing ambassadors or the concert chorus. never found the time, so i guess it'll have to wait until next year...

aaah.

i should do my work.

zzzzzzzzzzzz..........

some thoughts (so much work, so much to say... but so much happiness)

2004-07-14T18:34:00.000+08:00

some thoughts...

aaah.

being a BSID freshman can sure tire the hell ot of one person.

i rode a jeep going to katipunan. alone. waha, such an accomplishment!

i ate fishballs on the street with diane.

i have a an isometric drawings exercise and a minor plate (i have to draw and render a car) due on friday. to top that off, we have to design a kitchen and submit the floor plan with 4 elevations, 1 section and other shit. (am i speaking greek already? pardon me...)

i'm joining an org and a lot is required of me. sucks, but it could be fun. i just dont have too much time in my hands given all my plates and projects...

aah. (i seem to think this too much, don't you think?)

i have an extremely large bruise on my left arm because of my archery lessons (PE). it hurts. ow.

i don't have any classes tomorrow. (yipee!)

i'm happy. extremely happy. let's just say that there are things/events/people (not or-or but all of the above - huh? basta...) in my life right now that make me so happy. happy enough to forget about the things i am supposedly worried about.

jali is sweet...

diane is one person i cannot live without. seriously. (thanks yan! you know why.)

i miss my highschool friends... i wish we could all go out sometime... (*ahem* parinig yon...)

i'm happy... happy happy happy...

aah.

i should go.

peace.

*big hug* - for all those who need it, and for all those who want it. kung ayaw nyo... your loss not mine. (sungit! haha.)

zzzzzzzzz........

nothing compares

2004-07-11T15:34:00.000+08:00

nothing compares to old friends and friendships.

i just came from gia-gia's party yesterday. she treated "boggs" out for dinner at napolis in timog. just being there wmade me realize how lucky i was to have such friends. that was the nly time i felt 100% comfortable and at ease. If your a freshman in collge, you'll understand what imean by 100% comfortable. That feeling i have'nt been getting for the past few days.

College friends are cool and fun to be with. Maybe just not the ones you can call when you're in drama mode. (or maybe not just yet)

It's only been what, two weeks since school started that's why, it would be really unfair for me to say that HS friends are the best and that friends you'd get to have in college will forever be second rate.

It's just that i really enjoyed the company of my friends last night that i was stipped off of worries. just by seeing opalyn, barbie and gia. hayy.... it's like peter pan's happythoughts! haha.

We spent the later part of the evening at punchline. (that's the only time ann and vida came along)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you're bored and depressed and that staying at home will only make you feel more down and hopeless, go to places like punchline (it's a stand-up comedy bar)! you'll even forget who your X's were! haha.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
it was really nice to have spent that evening with my "good old friends" haha. Man, if i can be more "ma-drama" we have been together since grade 5 and now that we're in college, it's like they have grown to be more than sisters to me already.

kyle, pearl and val! you missed a lot!!

good thing, we have another chance of being together. overnight at opalyn's mansion (haha. just kidding!) at opalyn's house on the 23rd. it's our barkada anniv by the way! yeah... we were that "baduy" back in our grade 5 days! ulk! hehe.

but anyway, main point is, i really enjoyed being with my barkada...

i enjoyed every minute i was with them. Maybe because it didn't matter where we were or what we were doing. as long as we were together experiencing all those stuff!

oh life, thou hast tired me...

2004-07-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

i'm tired. i just am. i have tons of work to do, and it sucks that i haven't exactly done everything. i'm usually ahead, even of myself, and it just sucks that i have to go cram things again.

i've got a long test on monday, 1 minor plate and an exercise in charcoal due on tuesday, a floorplan (and the necessary paperwork) of a kitchen also due on tuesday, and a lot of readings to accomplish. may sound easy enough, or may not seem much, but trust me, i know what i'm saying when i say 'that's a lot'.

argh. i'm tired.

diane and i are making a new blog. this one's gone all weird and won't let us into the 'dashboard/control panel' thing. our user account can't be recovered, and without that, a password is useless, and we just can't control stuff anymore. bye bye blue polka dotted blog, hello something else. we'll post that link here if we're done. in the meantime though, i'll - i mean WE'LL - still be posting here.

aaahh... i hate feeling this way. i'm tired and sleepy and feeling woozy...

college is treating me better, with regard to my emotional well being that is. mentally, yep, that's cool too. haven't gotten any tough blows (grades, that is) until now. well, okay, i did get some, but luckily my prof allows redoing (is there such a word? ah, who cares...) the plates and i've been able to pull my 2's up to 1's. lucky me.

physically though... that's an entirely different thing.

i was sick last week. i even missed my PE (archery - cool, huh) and that was the time they were already shooting arrows in the range. aaah... and i had to cut 2 classes because i wasn't well anymore, but good for me my profs like me, and it wasn't that much of a deal.

right now i just finished doing some research which, i have no idea if it's really what i need. it just sucks that you feel so terrible at the time you have so much to do. aah... how can i accomplish anything feeling this way?

but come to think of it, i do feel a bit good because (1) i had a hair spa last friday (haha, landi!) (2) i bought myself a new watch and (3) i was able to help someone feel better.

hm. life IS all about how you look at things.

but i'm still tired.

Zzzz...

privacy please... or a new blog for us.

2004-07-07T16:22:00.000+08:00

damn. something's wrong with our blog account settings. we get the feeling that something - or someONE - may be tampering with it.

notice the contributors part:
a. the perky half
b. the weird half
c. diane
- this used to be 'diane and kariza'

we can't get into that account to change settings or whatever. it sucks, dammit.

whatever or whoever is causing this damned irritating thing, we hope it stops.

to everyone who's reading this, we might just create a new blog... we'll let you all know.

peace.

missing gene

2004-07-04T08:49:00.000+08:00

this post is for that one friend of mine i'm missing right now. just some memories...

BACK IN GRADE 6...

... the friend whose water jug was my water jug too.
... the friend who i walked home with every afternoon.
... the friend who wrote stories with me, no matter how senseless it all was... (hahaha)
... the friend who i fought with back then, but i really don't know why anymore.
... the friend i was always with, and the friend who made 6th grade better than it actually was!

BACK IN GRADE 7...

... the friend whose water jug was STILL my water jug too.
... the friend who knew nothing about basketball but played for our intrams team.
... the friend who STILL wrote stories with me, no matter how senseless it all was... (hahaha)
... the friend i was STILL always with, the one i went home with every afternoon, talked with while on the bus, on the phone and everywhere else...

IN HIGHSCHOOL...

YR.1

... the friend whose water jug was STILL my water jug too.
... the friend who was one of those who welcomed me back from my 'adventure' in a different school.
... the friend who still ate lunch with me even if we were in different sections already.
... the friend who waited for me in the afternoon so we could still go home together.

YR. 2

... the friend whose water jug was NOT ANYMOREmy water jug too.
... the friend i drifted apart from because we were both getting busy already...

YR. 3

... the friend whose water jug was only a memory to me whenever i see it...

YR. 4

... the friend whose water jug i didn't recognize anymore...

i miss you gene. (and your green jug. not the pink and purple thing... )

painom nga minsan.

people and problems and how i want to help save the world

2004-07-02T20:14:00.000+08:00

why is it that people and problems always go together?

today was a good day for me, to be honest. a lot of things went well, although some were crappy and not okay at all. but that's not the point of this whole blog post. 'cause you see, even if i'm quite happy today, i'm extremely affected - if not bothered - by the problems of my friends, and even those of other people.

i was in the car this morning going to school when dad and i passed by this jeepney driver who was changing one of the jeep's tires. in the middle of the highway. alone. with no one even bothering to help. as soon as we passed, i swore to myself that when time comes that i'm already driving my own car, and i see someone in the same situation, i'd stop and help.

going home, my parents and i passed by a crippled man begging in the streets. a short distance from that, we passed by a poor little puppy sick and shivering. near the puppy was an old man obviously panting and in pain from (i assume) all the walking he has been doing. then, when we were eating in mcdonalds, there was this kid struggling and extremely panicky of a nosebleed he was having, while no one was even bothering to help.

what is it with the world that so many people (and animals) have to go through so much pain?!?

someday, i'm going to help save the world. (superhero music)

anyway...

when i finally reach home, i am surprised by how so many of my friends have problems they're dealing with. it just pains me that the people i love are also going through ordeals, and that they themselves are hurting...

again... WHAT IS IT WITH THE WORLD?!?

i've had my share of problems, as anyone in this world, and i guess we can all relate when i say that it sucks to have problems. you feel hopeless and drained, tired and empty, helpless and sad... and sometimes you're just so down that you can't move or think straight or do anything that would require thinking.

but the thing is, as i told a friend, problems only seem as big as they do because we tend to concentrate on them. looking at problems from further away, or at least from a different angle can make them seem smaller, or better, or not as big and as heavy...

then there's that bullshit feeling of being alone... but when you think about it, how can someone be alone? with all the people in this world - there are billions, for crying out loud - no one can ever be alone! you may feel alone, but when you think about it, you're not. you never are...

aah... if i could just use my superpowers to uplift everyone from all their problems, i would.

if i could just give the dog a home, the cripple some money, the jeepney driver a hand, the old man a comfy chair, and the kid some first aid, i would...

if i could just hug my friends who are going through hell right now, i would.

if only i could...

but i can only do so much as to post on our blog and hope that someone feels at least something from all this.

it sucks when you can't do as much as you'd like...

to all my friends going through their own ordeals, remember that you'll never be alone.

i'm here.

i've got lots of plans to save the world, yes... but i'll always have time for you guys.

even superman has friends.

i believe

2004-07-02T15:19:00.000+08:00

I BELIEVE
Fantasia Barrino

Have you ever you ever reached a rainbow's end
And did you find your pot of gold
Ever catch a shooting star
Tell me how high did you soar
Ever felt like you were dreaming
Just to find that you're awake
Cause the magic that surrounds you
Will lift you up and guide you on your way

I can see it in the stars across the sky
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before
Now I finally realize
See I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive
And finally yeah

I believe in the impossible
If I reach deep within my heart
Overcome any obstacle
Won't let this dream fall apart
See I strive to be the very best
Shine my light for all to see
Cause anything is possible
When you believe yeah

I can see it in the stars up in the sky
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before
Now I finally realize
I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive
And finally I believe
Yes I believe

Ohh Yeah

Love keeps liftin me higher
Liftin me higher
Love keeps liftin me higher
I said love keeps liften
Love keeps liften me
I said Love keeps liften
Love keeps liften me higher
Said love keeps liften me higher
I said love keeps liften me high

one of those days

2004-07-02T14:43:00.000+08:00

i want a break, a break from everything else for a while. but i guess i'll ruin everything if i did. sh**. what a life.

kariza... i'll call you on sunday... and oh, good luck with the ambassadors thing. God knows how much i wanted to come and be there for you... (now, im cring... )- *sigh* i just don't get myself anymore... :(

i love everyone in AA. Super! i love everyone and everything about high school. college can be really draining sometimes.

but, anyway, don't mind me... this might just be one of those days...

time

2004-07-01T19:09:00.000+08:00

time flies so fast, huh?

to my surprise, it has been more than two days since my last post.

i am dealing pretty well with my schedule, my school, and with practically everything that has to do with it. i am starting to live in UP. i'm slowly accepting that it is now my second (or third) home, and surprisingly i am somewhat embracing the change and learning to deal with it. haha. took me three weeks to start to deal.

i'll be fine. give it three months.

gotta go.

what's happening now?

2004-06-28T18:24:00.000+08:00

i've been better in my new school for the past week. i guess there are things and people that 'push' me, or, with a more positive tone, inspire me to deal better with things and to cope better with everythign else.

although sometimes, i still get that funny indescribable feeling that tugs me at the chest and weighs me down... have you ever felt that? it's accompanied by a nauseating (not sure about the spelling, sorry) feeling... you just feel sick and want to throw up...

glad to say i'm winning over that feeling.

but sad to say, now i've lost my appetite and i haven't been eating much to the point that i'm already worrying myself of what might happen if this continues...

i'm learning to commute...

as diane said, "slowly but surely".

slowly, yes. surely... well, that's something else.

AAAH.

I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT FEELING THINGS AND MAKING PEOPLE FEEL HOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE, BUT RIGHT NOW, IT'S JUST NOT COMING OUT.

MAYBE NEXT TIME...

to everyone who needs some thoughts and a shoulder to lean on, i'm here...

i may not be that stable yet to be able to support others, but i'm here nonetheless...

and to those whose shoulders i've been leaning on and those which have been supporting me ever since, thank you...

regrets, hugs and the bestest friend there is...

2004-06-25T19:49:00.000+08:00

do you know how it feels to regret something so much that you can't do anything but cry about it?

have you ever felt that?

i did.

just today.

good thing i had my best friend with me.

hugs are like little pieces of heaven...

... and diane gives the best hugs.

thank you yan... you know i love you.

God's freaky ways

2004-06-24T08:09:00.000+08:00

God's mysterious ways are now God's freaky ways...

my hearrt was just overwhelmed by the care my friends have shown through this blog. i wasn't exactly expecting any comments or reactions or whatever from anyone, but there He goes surprising me again.

thanks to...

mik - i was really glad when i saw you in AA. promise! in all honesty naiiyak na ko nun... pero shempre di pwede. dapat (mukang) strong. =p

marie - aaw, you visited our blog!!! thanks! miss na miss na kita at ang mga patalon-talon mo pag nagkikita tayo... salamat sa mga kiss... *kilig*

jac - thanks for the pat. needed it. (check your mail din. =p)

denise - for the concern sa mail... and don't sweat it. it's just math. there are better things to worry about. and sus... kayang kaya mo yun, kaw pa.

vida - (hughug)

my fellow dinos - for listening to all my rants and endless emails... you guys are the best!

that previous post was just something i had to put there because flowery words and a whole lot of bullshit just couldn't help. kailangan ko lang mailabas in terms na talagang mare-reflect kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ko. so i did. tang ina.

sorry. i don't cuss that much anymore (okay, maybe i do), at least in our blog, but what that was about was simply too much to handle.

it's just really freaky how everything turned around. after all the worst things happened, i found myself smiling without knowing why...

anyway, i take back what i said.

un-fuck the world and my friends who are in it.

honestly, you guys make this world an extremely better place than it actually is.

thanks guys.

thanks God. for your freaky ways that can make me smile.

unfair

2004-06-23T16:49:00.000+08:00

there are so many unfair things in life...

why can't i be happy?

why do people have to put me down when i am almost getting happy? when i am already forgetting about every bad feeling, the world just has to drag me down again...

fuck the world and everyone in it.

tang ina lang. tang ina lang talaga...

tired

2004-06-21T18:46:00.000+08:00

i am so tired and aching all over. quite sad and lonely but too drained to even think about it...

i just want to drop dead and be at peace.

last night i thought i wouldn't wake up anymore.

yep. freaky.

but had i died last night, i would've died happy.

went to sleep with tears of joy. not of sadness or loneliness but of joy. as i said - had i died last night, i would've died happy.

being alive in this world is so hard. it requires too much from you. too much. too much...

but then there are things which make you happy, and even though you're just tired, you go on...

with tears in my eyes right now, i'm glad to say i have one of those things. if not for that one special thing in my life, i would've given in already...

hope it doesn't go away. ever...

i'm tired... i need to sleep...

touching lives...

2004-06-20T10:20:00.000+08:00

i was (*undescribable feeling*) when sybil said that she'd be quoting my previous post. i was glad to have put into words how she was feeling at the same time i was also releasing my own sentiments, my emotions.

i'm touching lives in a way...

for me that's a blessing.

there's nothing i would like better than to touch people and be remembered that way...

although it got me thinking...

am i lucky that i am this way? in touch with my emotions, always being able to put into words how i feel, being very descriptive and concise in my writing that others cannot help but feel the way i do?

as my mom said, it's all a matter of perspective.

so instead of saying that i have a curse for being able to describe such emotions and sentiments that drag me down...

i'm going to say that...

i am blessed with words. God has given me that gift... and i guess He wants me to use it to make others know that they are not alone... that someone feels the same way, someone understands...

(i'm not being extremely arrogant, hope no one thinks it...)

now i have some sort of a mission. i want to be able to help people and do something for at least someone. i hope i can do that...

i guess that means i have to be somewhat careful of the things i say, huh?

haha.

thank you syb... you were God's way of making me realize things... i miss you, and you know i'm just here. thanks.

what's wrong with me?

2004-06-19T11:43:00.000+08:00

i just got home from spending the night over at barbie's place. it was quite a sad night for the three of us who spent the night there - me, yan and barb... each of us had our own load to carry, and i guess last night we were given a venue to just drop them and help each other carry whatever load we had.

something must be wrong with me.

last night yan and i were talking when barb had already fallen asleep. i was telling her about how i felt about college (more on that later). we talked, i cried, she sympathized, and i felt tons better afterwards.

but right now, i'm crying again. once again i'm feeling terrible. and the thing is i can't anymore recognize or pinpoint the reason. i just feel really bad, and i don't know exactly why anymore...

i was telling yan last night how much i miss AA... how lonely i feel when i'm alone, how unreal it is to spend time with new friends who you actually know nothing about. i miss the company of my good friends, the times we used to talk and just be with each other... i miss how my life was. and maybe i'm this way because i still refuse to accept that that life is now but a memory...

vida was saying how confusing it was for her when she went back to AA. it was bittersweet. and indeed it is. being in AA brings back so many happy memories. but it also reminds you that you cannot go back to those memories anymore.

to those who have been avid readers of our blog, you may be wondering why i am still in this state when i have been endlessly writing posts on this matter. you may be thinking that i am already exaggerating. maybe to you these feelings should already be gone, and that it is about time that i adjusted and settled myself within UP, given that i have already spent 2 weeks in the university.

but i can't help it.

i am not a fan of change. in fact i dread it. i can handle gradual change, sure... but changes of this intensity totally shatter me and shake me from my once stable base...

do not get me wrong though. i do have friends in UP, and i do manage the load. i can already cross streets, and i do brave commuting once in a while when i have friends with me.

but that doesn't equate to a happy college life. i know that college is only starting and i am still in a period of adjustment, so i can't exactly use 'college life' in my sentences yet. i guess what i mean is that although i am dealing with these things well enough, it does not mean that i am enjoying or that i am happy.

i miss my old life.

i miss walking really slowly from the caf to my classroom. i miss having the teachers come in while we sit comfortably and wait for them in the rooms. i miss having to go around campus having visual plans signed.

i miss the sense of security i feel when i step foot in AA. i miss the family spirit i feel as i walk in the hallways. i miss the friendly smiles and faces of my schoolmates, teachers and the manongs and manangs. i miss the company and the love of good friends...

how i wish nothing had to change.

but change is inevitable.

another thing that sucks is when things started to change, my faith was already starting to waver...

and that makes things worse.

because the only one who can help me is HIM. and right now i am so distant from Him and i can't even pray the way i want to. i miss my God...

what the hell is wrong with me?!?

(sobbing and crying and just letting tears flow...)

missing the old days...

2004-06-16T18:02:00.000+08:00

i went to my old high school after PE class today...

damn.

i miss everything there...

i was extremely sentimental the whole time, although i didn't exactly show it too much. good thing barb was there with me. it helped. i didn't break down and cry.

but i miss my old school.

i miss my friends... the times we had lunch together, pot luck style... cramming during recess... dressing up in the classroom during PE (with kat-phobia of course)...

i miss manang marina...

i miss mang jimmy...

i miss the SCAA... the committees... working endlessly on the fair...

i miss everything...

i wish i were still back there. i wish nothing had to change and i'd still be going to my old school everyday, being around people i love and have grown used to seeing everyday.

as barb and i were talking, i realized that as of now i'm treating college just as some summer thing. like it's just some summer activity that i have to do, then i'll go back to my school again after that.

maybe i haven't completely accepted the fact that college is now a reality. maybe i am still holding on to my high school memories and i still can't let go...

dammit. nakikita ko nang teacher ako dun pag graduate ko. haha...

then again, maybe i'm still just adjusting...

oh well.

crying is healthy

2004-06-14T21:56:00.000+08:00

crying is healthy. really.

i was one of those people who used to think that crying is unnecessary. i mean, what could crying do for me? it's something that consumes a whole lot of energy and is extremely taxing. then after you cry you get all tired and can't do anything else, and then you feel worse and before you know it you've fallen into a deep pit called depression.

but lately, i've been crying so often that i can't believe myself. i cry when i'm sad, when i'm happy or sometimes even for no reason at all... (freaky huh?)

and believe it or not, i'm really comfortable with it. (freakier, isn't it?)

i don't know what happened to my hard, cold self who used to think that crying wasn't for me...

but in a way, i'm glad that self is somehow gone... i feel better now that i can cry... well, not instantly after i cry, but i do feel better.

crying is healthy.

really.

take my word for it.

cry.

you'll feel better.

so much to do... (?)

2004-06-13T13:50:00.000+08:00

i got stuff to do but no inspiration to do them. at least not at the moment...

i'm just tired and lazy, i guess.

i mean, almost everything's for my architecture subjects, and i like those, but i just don't feel like doing anything...

aaah, laziness is getting the better of me...

catch ya later...

(diane, starbucks tayo bukas!)

happiness is...

2004-06-12T16:55:00.000+08:00

happiness is...

> eating your favorite food
> sleeping as late as you want and waking up in the afternoon
> hanging out with (new) friends under a tree
> listening to beautiful music
> singing your heart out (and being appreciated for it)
> not having anything to do at least for a night
> watching TV with people you love
> taking long baths
> feeling fulfilled
> finally doing what you've been wanting to do for the longest time
> lying in bed with a lot of pillows and your favorite stuffed animal
> staying overnight at your best friend's house
> having a best friend as wonderful as YOU.

love you yan! thank you for everything.

happy.happy.happy.

2004-06-12T11:51:00.000+08:00

im happy today. i had a wonderful night and a "good morning" morning when i woke up! hehe. wish that every morning will be like what i had earlier and every night will be the same as last night...

shifting moods... and missing AA

2004-06-10T18:57:00.000+08:00

early this morning, i was crying again. i guess last night made me miss my friends so much more. i was really sad and i was pretty down... even told my mom that i'm not really liking it in my new school...

then i had to go get ready for my classes. went to school and got right into my building. met bibay and punky and found out they were in the same class. as the day progressed, i guess i got all better, and even at ease. even if i had this weird professor who seems to have some weird 'say' about people who come from private catholic schools.

(bibay walked me to my classroom! i was super relieved and extremely thankful!!! :))

i texted gaye (oooh, tapang!) too, one of our former teachers while i was in class and that helped too, actually. made me feel better and all...

as i was on my way home i was quite surprised that i didn't have such a bad time today, when that was all i was expecting, given my mood earlier today.

and right now, as i am posting in our blog, i'm feeling terrible again... i don't know with what exactly, but sometimes there are just things that make you feel awful for one unexplainable reason or another. no matter how happy or problem free you've been feeling...

i need to feel better...

dammit, all my posts seem like i'm always sad and down... well, maybe i only write when i am...

i should write better stuff, huh?

sorry to all of you who have been getting tired of my being this way...

but then again, this is my blog...

oh, the heck.

i just really feel terrible. again.

but i was happy...

promise.

it's still there...

2004-06-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

about two hours ago i was pretty convinced that my fear of college and everything related to it was at least half gone.

i was wrong.

i just came from denise's birthday celebration, and a lot of my close friends were there. i don't really know how to say it or explain it, but i miss them all so much!!!

it brings me to tears just thinking - or maybe realizing - that we're all so far away from each other and that nothing will ever be the same...

i guess i was just amusing myself with things, to divert my attention away from my fears and basically just to forget about them. but as i have found out tonight, choosing to forget about your fears isn't exactly the right thing to do...

but then again, are all these fears? or am i just missing my 'old life'? ...

am i just missing the things i have grown so accustomed to? my friends who i've always had around me?

i am just so emotional right now. that feeling is back. the one that haunts me. the one that bothers me everytime i have to go to a new class, the one that pulls on me when i have to commute... that sick feeling i feel in the pit of my stomach... that indescribable feeling that just won't go away.

i'm scared. and lonely.

and right now i just want to be back with my friends... i really miss them...

='c

Random Thoughts (again)

2004-06-09T18:06:00.000+08:00

there are so many things one can be thankful for...

being you is the best thing to be. to hell with anyone who thinks otherwise.

what is "normal"? if each one of us is unique, then normal is a void term... how can people be classified as normal and weird when everyone believes that each one is unique in his/her own way? (unless of course pertaining to medical/mental 'normal-ness'... that's different.)

i'm sleepy.

dancing looks easy. but it isn't (for me).

i miss my old school...

i like 70's music. and style.

i wish i could travel back in time.

college still isn't the real world.

i'm okay with being inside a "fake" world. but then again, is there such a thing?

if you're existing and living within something, and other people are too, how can that be not the real world? how 'unreal' is it, and how 'real' is what is out there?

i think too much.

i miss my old school too much.

i need to sleep...

archery

2004-06-09T13:07:00.000+08:00

archery ang PE ko! o ano say nyo?!?

haha.

had PE today. that was my only subject, 10a-12n. fun, but extremely painful! my back's shouting in agony, and i only tried pulling the string (you know, the one attached to the bow... haha, ang yabang ko!)once!!! once and i'm in excruciating pain. damn. guess i do have to do push ups...

met a few more people: ida, ica, badette and zai (hope i got those correctly)... cess was there too (she's a blockmate) and i hope barb and angela were too. they got the 8a-10a class (sucks, yeah, i know) and we ran into each other as i was about to go in and they were going out.

today wasn't as tiring, because i didn't walk too much... aaah, i guess i'm just not used to having only 1 subject a day... pretty boring really. but i do stay until 6:30pm on tuesdays and fridays so i guess i will be thankful in time...

oh well.

later.

college and deception... and upredictable classes

2004-06-08T17:18:00.000+08:00

damn.

college sure is one hell of a ride, as i'm slowly finding out...

second day, more experiences, more new things discovered. today wasn't that bad really, it went okay. a bit rainy, then all humid then rainy again. had a 7am english class that ended about 40 minutes before the time. rode a jeep going to my next building, only to find out that two of my 3-4 hour subjects (majors) were cancelled (or not meeting at least).

spent some time hanging out in rain's dorm room. funny really, visitors aren't allowed beyond the lobby thing, and i (together with 7 other blockmates) went all the way up ang hung out there for a few hours. haha.

we had lunch somewhere (the place wasn't very 'atmosphery') and arlyn was with us. i sort of felt that she was going through some 'tough times' (very similar to my 'fears') and we talked about AA and missing it, and our classes and everything else. (college can sure give you the weirdest feelings...) then i had to go with my blockmates. we walked around 3 kilometers i think... we went from building to building and, come to think of it, i was tired to hell when we got to arch 10! i liked the prof, and some of us were really interested to join the org she was the adviser of.

anyway, that was my last class and now i'm home and blogging. glad i didn't have to stay until 6:30pm... bleargh.

anyway, about deception... well, i guess i just have to say that some people don't appear to be as... nice... as they first seemed to be. i mean, REALLY.

deception... is it that, or am i just too naive? i don't think i am, but maybe it isn't deception either. maybe i just didn't really know those people yet, and i sort of thought i had an idea about them...

it just sucks that first impressions turned out to be better than the real thing. but oh well, it's too early for me to be saying all this...

i don't know, i'm just getting disappointed with some things about college i guess.

makes me miss my AA friends all the more...

**************************************************************
i know you'll never let me hear the end of this, but diane... i miss you!!! extremely!!!
**************************************************************

oh well...

guess it's something i just have to get used to...

i was scared... now... i'm not...?!?

2004-06-07T18:33:00.000+08:00

i have just been through my first day at my new school, and frankly it was nothing like i imagined it.

it was... fun...

i imagined my first day to be overly traumatic, full of embarrassing experiences with no friends beside me. i imagined feeling lost and alone and just clueless about everything.

it was so unlike what really happened.

well, today started bright and early. mum and i left at around 6:30am when i was needed at the university theatre at 8:30am. we ran into barb and angela, dropped them off somewhere and then proceeded to the venue of my orientation. i was feeling like hell the whole time. i was unusually quiet inside the car, not even singing to the radio (which is what i usually do)... when we passed by diane's school, i felt like crying. so many of my friends go there and i just wished we were all still in AA and i didn't have to face things alone...

when we got to the theatre, i didn't want to get out of the car. i think three minutes had to pass by before i finally stepped out. (first steps are always the hardest... but you have to take 'em sooner or later, right...? so i did...) i was scared. i was crying inside, terrified of what may happen, not knowing what i'd do...

then i saw punky and we talked for a while. i guess that eased me a bit, although not entirely because she was with her friends and i didn't really know them so i still felt somewhat left out. arlyn and i were supposed to meet, but the people there started to make us go in even before she arrived. to add to all that, the signage for my course was nowhere to be found and i had to go in not knowing where i was to go without anyone with me!

but that ended there because the moment i stepped in the theatre i made friends with a girl named mariel and another one called myca, then some others and i found someone from my course - chrissie!

then the orientation went on (yan! we did "unibersidad!" haha ;p) and everything was okay. la-dee-dah, kariza has fun...

then we went out to line up with our blockmates (in majors only though) and i saw iya, then kazel and jamie, met rain (she's a blockmate, although it was raining when i met her. haha, what a coincidence...), and gerika and a lot of other people. we have one guy blockmate, juano. (poor him... or lucky him? i dunno...)

anyway, to cut everything short, i had a nice time getting to know people, even when i was feeling extremely bored about half the time i was there...

i was scared, yes... and right now, maybe i still am. but as of now, i guess i just want to say that college isn't as bad as i thought it would be.

well world, what can you say?

so to anyone else out there, scared to shit of college... it isn't that bad... scary, yeah... but not bad. =)

(and oh, thanks yan... for the prayers. *mwah*)

college

2004-06-06T13:50:00.000+08:00

college is something i fear like hell...

"mababaw" fears:

- i fear the professors.
- i fear the jeeps.
- i fear being late for my classes.
- i fear getting lost in my university.
- i fear not knowing where to eat.
- i fear not being familiar with the system.

"not so mababaw"

- i fear being alone.
- i fear not being able to adjust.
- i fear the even bigger experiences coming my way.
- i fear being sad and having no close friends with me.
- i fear being away from my friends and those i love.

oh well.

but come to think of it, others are scared too.

maybe i'm someone the world should be scared of...

hm...

alright...

look out world, here i come!

mood swings

2004-06-06T13:22:00.000+08:00

i can be so moody sometimes.

okay, not sometimes, most of time. all the time actually. sigh...

yesterday my world was falling to pieces. shows in my posts, huh? it's this weird feeling... i just couldn't stop crying for some reason, one so unexplainable no matter how hard you try... i cried it out with my mom the other night, and i guess she thinks it's about college again.

okay, so maybe of it is a bit about college, but for the most part... well, no.

mum said i may only be growing emotionally.

i think too many feelings trapped and suppressed, too many thoughts kept and words unspoken caused it.

i dunno...

maybe everything just piled up and i just had to explode. maybe it was just one mean mood swing.

i'm better today, considering how i was yesterday. yep... better. happy even... but then there's still college. and my fear of it.

aah... see you next post.

i need an angel... where's mine...?

2004-06-05T13:28:00.000+08:00

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless
then maybe I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness, oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

i need an angel...

i want to fly away and feel nothing but the wind blowing through my hair... i need a pair of arms to wrap around me and assure me that everything will be okay...

i need an angel...

lost, alone and just numb

2004-06-05T10:38:00.000+08:00

what do you want me to do?

what do you want me to say?

i don't know what you want, but i want to give it to you. i want to just give in... but i can't.

aah.

have you ever felt so many emotions running through your veins that you just feel numb from all of it?

have you ever felt how happiness can suddenly turn into grief and hopelessness?

have you ever been torn between your heart and mind? how one dictates but the other just won't listen?

have you ever felt like giving up? letting go?

have you ever felt drained of everything? everything but a strand of hope...

hope is one big thing, no matter how very little of it is left in you...

it can make you hang on, despite the numbness, hopelessness and that drained feeling...

everyone can hope. but not everyone can hope as much as the soul that loves...

i am sad

2004-06-05T09:17:00.000+08:00

i am.

extremely.

i need to talk to someone but can't.
i need to cry.
i need to get back on track because i'm lost.
i need to feel secure.
i need to hang on to something.

lift me up and let's fly away...

unwell...

2004-06-05T09:11:00.000+08:00

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

just not your thing

2004-06-04T21:14:00.000+08:00

hey! i think i do understand now...

I think i understand what you're trying to say about your "born to have a driver" thing and that you DO NOT WANT to commute in school (though i think you really have to)

Maybe it's like my "not eating of kare-kare or something...

i mean, i could put it in my mouth and try with all my guts to swallow it, but i WOULD NEVER WANT to eat that. i mean it's gross and all although some people may actually consider it their favorite...

some people are really weird in their own way. maybe missing their life for not wanting to try but hey, that's life...

and that's just how unique people are... ! :)

so twinsoul... it's ok to feel that way... :)

you would just have to know when you HAVE TO eat the kare-kare (like when it's my lolo already who's making me eat it) and when you can opt to open a can of meat loaf! hehe.

(i think what i just said is trash... :s oh, well whatever! thanks for reading anyway! hehe)

fear...

2004-06-04T20:57:00.000+08:00

fear can be so consuming...

and fear sucks. big time.

i was out all day today. in the morning till early in the afternoon i was at my university, and then at robinsons metro east until around 4pm, and afterwards at starbucks katipunan.

metro east was quite relaxing, while being in starbucks was plain fun and extremely amusing. barb and i spent about an hour and a half on the net (okay, it was mostly me blogging and 'discovering' YM) and we ran into karen and rina. starbucks was our next stop and we met up with more 'former' classmates there. we were really noisy (one girl kept giving us dagger looks) but it was all fun.

seems like a great day, reliving all that.

but that's only the better half.

there's still the other half...

commuting is just not for me.

i don't mean to sound snotty or extremely arrogant, but it just isn't something for me.

really.

while we were all going around our soon-to-be school (classes start on monday) commuting, i was being all funny and cool about it.

oh yes, i'm the great pretender...

i was scared to hell the whole time.

i had this extremely sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach that was pulling on me the whole time.

i was scared. i felt sick, i wanted to throw up, i wanted to just back out of the whole thing, and go back to my old school.

fear can consume me like hell. i can get fever and just feel terrible for hours on end.

that sucks. it really does.

i don't like feeling this way. really, i don't. it's just that no matter how hard i try, it keeps coming back. my perky half knows all about this.

**************************************************************

thanks for being there to make me feel better, diane. thanks.

**************************************************************

i just wish this feeling would stop.

i really do...

personal msg

2004-06-04T19:48:00.001+08:00

hey weird half... wherever you are, hope you're feeling better. you texted me a while ago, but apparently i am "incapable" of replying.. (nyehe) too bad... And i really do feel bad, i know you needed me to. But i guess this is the least thing i could do...

I hope you feel a lot better by the time you read this. :) im sure you had fun today! :)and oh, if you haven't taken a bath yet by the time you're reading this, i bet you're stinking bad! :p haha! - kidding! luv yah!

mwah!

2004-06-04T19:48:00.000+08:00

hey weird half... wherever you are, hope you're feeling better. You texted me a while ago but apparently, i am incapable of replying... too bad... argh! :s but really-- i do feel bad for not being able to reply, i know you needed me to. but, i guess, this is the least i could do.

i hope you feel a lot better by the time you read this message and i'm sure you had fun today... :) but i bet if you're reading this and haven't taken a bath yet, you're stinking bad!! haha - kidding! :p

mwah!

old dream

2004-06-04T19:20:00.000+08:00

just remembered this dream i had when i was younger (oh, a lot younger i tell you)

I dreamt of a far away castle with chemistry stuff (tubes with all sorts of bright colored liquids, etc)

I was really having fun there. I enjoyed playing with the liquids and well, ok, it felt like i was a magician, witch perhaps, but there... i was mixing and experimenting and glitters were all around the place. the feeling was just so magical that i didn't want it to end.

then the person there - probably the moderator of all witches -- or well, something like that, told me that i have to go home already.

They gave me wings.

[hey, believe me, i had wings! only in a dream though.]

In my dream, I actually felt how it was like to fly.

(Thank God for my memory)

Right now, I'd really like to fly... Fly so far away that I will be able to live a whole new life. Not that i don't enjoy where i am now, but you know, maybe i just wanna have a break. miss it for a while...

down

2004-06-04T18:11:00.000+08:00

::there's always some reason,to feel not good enough,and it's hard at the end of the day,I need some distraction,oh beautiful release,memories seep from my veins,let me be, empty, oh and weightless then maybe, I'll find some peace tonight::I’ve been the needle and the thread,Weaving figure eights and circles round your head,I try to laugh but cry instead,Patiently wait to hear the words you’ve never said,Fumbling through your dresser drawer forgot what I was looking for,Try to guide me in the right direction,Making use of all this time,Keeping everything inside,Close my eyes and listen to you cry:I'm lifting you up,I'm letting you down,I'm dancing till dawn,I'm fooling around,I'm not giving up,I'm making your love,This city's made us crazy and we must get out::

rainy days on the road

2004-06-04T14:31:00.000+08:00

yep, rainy days can sure suck.

especially when you're out on the road on your very first time commuting.

i'm in robinsons metro east right now, passing up some time while waiting for our class thing later. i'm tired out of my skull, and i'm pretty convinced that i'm never going to commute again!!! i was born to have a driver, i swear.

and what makes all this more 'unenjoyable' is that there's this feeling that you want someone to be with you... someone who can make you feel less scared of the whole thing you're going through. but all we had (there was around 7 of us) were each other - and all of us were clueless and we didn't know where to go...

i can't concentrate right now, i have to go...

rainy days sure can make you feel all emotional...

rainy days --- suck (ok, sometimes.)

2004-06-04T14:00:00.000+08:00

damn rainy days... i know it's good for the plants and all (duh! wattam i sayin?!) but it really gets to you when you're all sad and frustrated all at the same time!... it keeps you at home and makes you feel, (hey! you're stuck at home and can you do anything about it - don't think so) argh... here i go again talking to myself... hayy... but i guess what makes me so bitter about today is that not only am i stuck here at home but i also am stuck with this feeling.

I totally agree with my weird half-- How i wish happiness can be sipped... and oh, how i wish I had that magic lamp. or ok, i can make do with Alladin... (but i don't find him cute though :p hehe)

How i wish i could forget about these feelings -- let me try [TRY] to define some if i could... maybe i feel doubtful, jealous (of something i shouldn't be- apparently) and a whole lot of things.

but that's not easy though-- well, at least for me. It's quite hard for me to forget such things that even my memory when i was 2 yrs old I could still remember (could you believe it?... hehe)

ANYWAY.....

So there.........

This rain makes me feel a million times more than how I actually feel at the moment...
Maybe I have to sleep first.

That's something good the rain does, though...

Makes you feel sleepy! haha.

blogs help

2004-06-03T18:30:00.000+08:00

blogs help. they really do.

(i guess i'm just thankful diane and i have a blog. no matter how hard it is for us (or should i say me ;p) to keep this thing up, i'm glas we decided to have one.)

damn, i'm feeling so many things right now that i just dont know how it is exactly i'm feeling. i'm sad and mad and somewhat glad (uuy, rhyme) all at the same time.

bamba's having her birthday celebration tonight and i don't know yet if my dad's gonna let me go... yep, my parents still believe in the thing called permission.

argh, i can't think straight!!!

i have to go...

indescribable feelings

2004-06-03T15:26:00.000+08:00

unbelievable sights...
indescribable feelings...
soaring, tumbling, free-wheeling
through an endless time and sky...

if indescribable feelings were only those that come from aladdin's movie, then the world would be such a wonderful place.

only indescribable feelings are not only those you get when you're on a magic carpet ride with a handsome prince...

you can also get them when a loved one dies. or when you're scared of college. or when problems arise and you just can't seem to get out of them.

my indescribable feelings are usually characterized by difficulty in breathing and cold sweat, a million thoughts running through my head and just complete and utter shock. i can't seem to think straight or talk or move.

that goes for both wanted and unwanted indescribable feelings...

i'm having some right now, and yeah, it's not the good kind...

happiness

2004-06-03T15:02:00.000+08:00

i hope there was such a thing as a happiness potion...

"you'll love the new happiness potion developed here at the we-r-sick labs. it's very cheap and you'll find lots of uses for it. you can use it on your mom, your dad, your best friend, you dog, and most of all, on yourself!just one sip, and voila! you're as happy as can be, without any concern about the world around you!"

yeah. if only it was that easy.

but it isn't.

and that sucks.

why can't happiness be put in a bottle? why can't people just be happy in an instant? why must we all go through hardship and pain and a whole lotta crap before we can be happy?

i'm happy. i am, really. okay, so right now i'm not. i just wish i was again. i mean, things start out simple and easy enough, but along the way they get complicated and hard, and so much crap can get in the way. that goes for anything, i'm pretty sure...

i remember the time i knew what happiness was...

yeah, i do...

My Day

2004-06-02T17:43:00.000+08:00

GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE

i started the day shopping - buying stuff i'd be needing for college and all that. my sister - who has a weird obsession with her hair - had some hair treatment thingy at the salon while i was going around the mall (robinsons metro east) and spending like there was no tomorrow.

mom, trinks and i had lunch (my treat, to my surprise) and then we went to buy some other stuff at sta. lucia. klea wanted a water gun so i got her one. it was a big thing with 3 nozzles (or whatever they're called) that shot water in all directions. i guess i bought that one because i wanted it too. hehe... it was quite expensive at almost 200 bucks, but nowhere near the really good ones that cost around 700 to a little less than a thousand.

(got me thinking of having a water gun party when i turn 19...)

anyway, that was it, much to my dismay. wanted to shop some more, but had no more time left. had to go back home for my other sister...

SCAA AND HOW I MISS THEM

after shopping today i went with mom to drop my sister nika off at jali's place. she's 1st year batch rep and part of scaa 04-05. i was with 03-04, and dropping her off there brought back so many memories...

damn. i miss those guys.

THE DAY ENDS HAPPILY EVER AFTER...

hopefully...

peace.

Money Makes the World Go Round

2004-06-02T17:29:00.000+08:00

(and it really does.)

i got some money last night from my educational plan since i'm going to a university that charges P7000 max per sem only. (okay, so it wasn't just some, it was waay more than that, but don't go asking anymore, i'm not telling anyway.)

i went shopping today and realized that, well, money DOES make the world go round. i don't know, it just does. i don't really know which event of the day made me realize tht, but i did.

oh well.

Can't Stop Talking... (Random Thoughts II)

2004-06-01T18:16:00.000+08:00

i just can't stop talking right now! this is my third post for today. third SENSELESS one.

weird.

so many thoughts in my mind, yet when i start typing everything just vanishes.

i have a friendster account already and diane is to blame! she's had me handling her account and that got me going so now i have my own. darn. guess i'm gonna be eating my words again.

i miss my friends.

i don't want to go back to school yet. i want to just bum around. or maybe i'm scared again.

i don't know...

ahh...

i have to go. i think i'm sad...

Friends

2004-06-01T18:09:00.000+08:00

friends make the world such a wonderful place to live in, don't they?

i love my friends.

best friends are like sisters. only they're better.

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dammit, what's wrong with me today?

diane and i have been having driving lessons for the past few days and today was the last day. before we had those damn lessons, i couldn't wait to get behind the wheel and say "i was born to drive!"

right now all i'm saying is "i was born to have a driver."

haha.

anyhow, i'm not feeling okay today. probably weirder than usual, if that's even possible...

i don't know. i seem to be okay one minute then all spacey and just blank. oh well. i wish diane would post.

i'm out.

Random Thoughts

2004-06-01T17:49:00.000+08:00

i don't have anything to do right now, and apparently i get connected to the internet whenever that happens.

i really don't know how i'm feeling anymore. about college, about life, about anything in general. i'm just a huge blank at the moment, staring into space and thinking of nothing...

i'm happy. am i? or am i jus amusing myself with certain things that don't really mean anything?

so many questions, very few answers...

ahh, whatever.

class unity and my fear of college

2004-05-30T10:09:00.000+08:00

college scares the hell out of me.

really.

but right now, it's getting better...

i used to be so scared before and the only person i chose to reveal it to was my perky half ( - you, diane).

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i mean, i knew you wouldn't really be able to relate that much because you're going to a different school. besides, i knew you weren't the type to get all worked up with 'college anxieties'. you're too strong and independent for something like that. but i told you everything because i guess you're the only one i trusted with something as deep as that, something i was scared to tell anyone else...

and thanks. for helping me see that its okay, and giving me enough confidence to tell the world about it.

(putek, ang mushy nun ah!!! =s)
**************************************************************

see how weird it was? i was scared of college but was scared to tell because i was scared of what anyone may think if they find out i'm scared of college...

damn. my fears suck.

anyway, after some time i told my classmates all about it. i guess i didnt really expect any response from them. maybe what i was thinking at that time was i could probably serve as a 'self help book' to them... you know, if ever they were scared too, just let them know that they're not alone...

man, the response was awesome!

our class proved to be so united! and the trust was there. i mean, we were telling each other that we were scared, others were being very supportive... and now we have a class field trip and a gimmick at starbucks!

its just so great how we're all going through this together...

makes me appreciate being part of jurassic park 2...

DINOSAURS ROCK.

the weird half

2004-05-29T10:40:00.000+08:00

yes. i exist as an individual entity here in our blog. soon, you shall too.

bwahaha.

Pa blog-blog pa kasi eh...

2004-05-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

pucha, ano ba tong naisipan natin, ha, diane?! pucha, nagagago na ko dito... hindi naman ako tech-y (uyy, amperky!) person noh... ano kaya mangyari dito. shet. anyway, we could always delete this blog. trial lang muna. haha.